


The Pest

by glitterpile



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterpile/pseuds/glitterpile
Summary: Yuuri's never before had to explain himself after teleporting into his idol's home. He supposes there's a first time for everything. Every goddamn embarrassing thing.





	The Pest

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is my first original content, as opposed to all the translations I’ve been doing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

There was nothing to mark that day as particularly unusual, which was why Viktor got a shock when he walked past his bedroom door and saw a man inside.

“Kto ty? Shto zdes delaesh?”

The man turned around with a startled jump, revealing himself as younger than Viktor in appearance, and quietly mumbled “English?”

“Who are you and how did you get in?” he coldly asked as he started to mentally tally the closest objects in his apartment to use as a makeshift weapon.

The stranger’s hands began to clutch at the hem of his sweater. “The… the front door?”

Viktor glanced sideways at the door, with the deadbolt and chain still firmly on. Makkachin, who would normally prevent any visitor from entering the apartment for at least several minutes by boisterously demanding attention, looked up calmly from her bed near the shoe rack. Viktor returned his gaze to the Asian stranger, unimpressed. Taking advantage of his cringing, unthreatening posture, he took in the black hair, blue glasses, and then his eyes landed on the subtle shimmer around his feet, swirling into ethereal, almost invisible runes. Viktor stepped back with a groan, “Oh no, you’re one of those!”

____________________________________________________

 

“You have a Japanese pest in your house? What does it want?” 

“I don’t think there’s anything uniquely Japanese about the type of pest he is, Christophe, he just says he’s _from_ Japan. And he refuses to tell me what he wants. Every time I try to talk to him about it he makes a beeline for a room and shuts the door in my face. In my own house! I have no idea why he wants me to figure it out on my own.”

Christophe frowned in the video feed. “I’ve never really had to deal with a pest myself, so I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work normally.” 

“We had one at my grandmother’s dacha when I was little. It was shaped like a magpie, and made a mess of our kitchen for a week until it managed to steal one of the good silver spoons. I suppose it’s different when it’s a human shaped one, he probably wants something more complicated than that.”

“Well why don’t you get an exorcist?”

Viktor huffed and ran his hand through his fringe. “I looked it up and it’s not going to happen. Apart from the exorbitant cost, apparently the post-ritual smell lingers for at least two months afterwards and is impossible to live with. Makkachin spends enough time in kennels as it is, I can’t do that to her over the whole summer.” 

Christophe nodded in understanding as he stroked his own cat, splayed luxuriously in his lap. “I guess you’ve got a roommate until you figure it out, then.”

____________________________________________________

 

“So why do you look like a human, Yuuri?”

Yuuri blinked in confusion, taken aback. “I, well, I _am_ a human? I mean, I have human parents, and a sister. I just happened to be born with pest abilities. There’s not many of us, I know most pests are animals. And anyone who isn’t our target doesn’t see the Ambience-“ he waved roughly at the glow near the floor “- so we tend to pass unnoticed most of the time.” 

Viktor paused in pouring tea for both of them to stare at Yuuri blankly. “So you just pretend to live a normal life, and then occasionally when you really want something you just… go out to get it? By being a pest?”

“Yes.” 

“Even if it means teleporting to the other side of the world to the person you think can give you that? And just turning up unannounced in their bedroom?” 

A slight flush appeared on Yuuri’s cheeks as he looked down. “I actually teleported into the kitchen. But then I went through the wall and didn’t know which room would be on the other side.”

Viktor felt the corners of his lips twitch up at the sudden blush, and reached for the blackcurrant preserves.

____________________________________________________

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had company! Should I call back?”

Viktor glanced behind him, then turned back to the call. “That’s Yuuri. I told you about him turning up months ago, remember?”

Chris’ face immediately dropped out of innuendo readiness into a look of confusion. “Wait… that’s the pest? He’s still around and hasn’t got what he wants yet? He must be really annoying you a lot by now, you can’t even stand me to stay with you for more than a week.”

Viktor shrugged. “It hasn’t been that bad, really. He just eats my food and doesn’t really do anything else that could be a problem. Makkachin loves him, and so does Lilia, which isn’t an easy feat. I’ve actually improved my step sequences since he’s been here, Yakov keeps asking for him to come back to the rink to demonstrate.”

“He skates and dances that well?!”

“Let me just say it’s a shame that pests aren’t allowed to compete, or we would have some actual competition for the podium for a change.”

____________________________________________________

 

“Yuuuuuuuri, did you enjoy being backstage for once?” 

Viktor stepped in front of his pest and gave him a smile. Yuuri smiled back, his eyes glittering. 

“It was wonderful! Thank you so much for organising the pass for me, Viktor, Yakov.” Yuuri quickly bowed towards Viktor’s coach. Yakov waved him off. 

“It was just for appearances’ sake, boy, it’s not like we could keep you out with your whole teleporting and passing through solid objects thing.” 

“Well, that’s! Still, I couldn’t-” Yuuri stammered and made an abortive, panicked hand gesture, then looked to Viktor for help. Viktor chuckled at him and grabbed his hand. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow morning, Yakov! Good night!” 

As Viktor tugged Yuuri back to the hotel, he pulled his medal out from under his jacket with his free hand and waved it in front of him. 

“So, Yuuri, did you decide if you’re going to kiss all my medals this season? You played a pretty big part in my routines, it’s only fair that you accept the results.” 

Viktor watched as a cute flush rose up on Yuuri’s cheeks, but instead of his usual shy glances Yuuri seemed to be filling himself with confidence, his eyes flickering between the medal and Viktor’s face. Just as Viktor was thinking he might need to interrupt the silence with something else, he found himself yanked down by the medal and a kiss planted directly onto his lips. 

Viktor leaned forward into the kiss, softening, then slowly pulled back, looking at Yuuri in awe.

“...wow. I like that option too.” 

Yuuri’s blush deepened as he started walking forward again, head held high.

____________________________________________________

 

“Chris, he’s gone!”

“Viktor, it’s…” Chris blearily looked at his phone screen, then brought it back to his ear, “...not even five am yet.” 

“You know I wake up early, that’s not the point. Yuuri is gone!” snapped Viktor.

“Gone where?” 

“I don’t know! We finally had sex last night-”

“Oooh!”

“- shut up Chris. We went to sleep and when I woke up he was gone. It’s like he was never here.” 

“So maybe he’s getting you celebratory breakfast, relax.”

“I’ve told you a million times, I’m the target of his pesting, so he can’t get past the front door of the building without teleporting back here! I’ve checked everywhere within the radius!”

“Have you tried, I dunno, calling him?”

Chris could hear Viktor rolling his eyes. “Why would I have his phone number if he’s always been within shouting distance? Of course I’m kicking myself over this oversight _now_ , hindsight is twenty-twenty, et cetera et cetera. I need ideas.”

“Just do what any jilted lover does and internet stalk him. I’m not your personal private investigator. Now let me get my beauty sleep, please.” 

“Chris…” A sigh came through, followed by some slapping house slippers against wood. Viktor must be pacing. “...sorry to wake you up. I’ll talk to you later.”

Chris was about to hang up when a sudden thought entered his mind: “Wait, Viktor… if he disappeared after you had sex… does that mean that’s what he was aiming for all along? Was he a sex pest?”

“A WHAT?!”

____________________________________________________

 

“... fucking sex pest…”

Viktor, huddled under a blanket, muttered under his breath as he angrily shoved his mouse forward and clicked the left button forcefully enough to risk damaging it.

“Absolutely ridiculous…” 

Viktor jumped between his calendar and the page for booking train tickets to Hasetsu to confirm he could be there immediately after the NHK Trophy. Another tab had his flight back from Japan, ready to be rescheduled for a later date. 

“... thinks he can just ghost his boyfriend. First pests, now ghosts! Fucking selfish.” 

Viktor pulled his credit card from his wallet and glared at the screen. 

“I’m going to get you to kiss that goddamn gold medal, Yuuri. You will NOT get out of this.”

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago the phrase “sex pest” floated into my brain and refused to leave until I turned it into a fic. Thanks brain, I hate it. 
> 
> Also Yuuri is a fucking liar, he definitely did teleport into the bedroom. 
> 
> ~~ my [tumblr](https://tasty-pile-of-glitter.tumblr.com/) ~~


End file.
